Happy July 12, 2012 to you all! I know it has been a long time since my last post. I am sorry and I have a huge list of excuses. Number one being that you really don’t want to read a bunch of whinese as we used to call the kids’ whining. (“I don’t speak whinese, better speak clear English if you want me to understand.”) Anywhooo, I am here now.
April 19th, also known as Kite Day but that is another wonderful story, was “our” last chemotherapy. Hooray!! We only go now to visit and to get my mediport flushed. You know it is more than a career; it is a vocation to work in a cancer clinic. The staff quickly found a place in my heart.
I was put on a new medication. It is an anti-hormone drug to keep my hormone receptive cancer from coming back or spreading. We thank the Lord and the person who came up with that idea. About the same time we received the results from my PET scan. It was so exciting. The tumor that was huge in the beginning had shrunk to the size of the end of Dr. Sehgal’s pinkie. How amazing is that! A level of fear subsided. Because of this great news it was decided I would get a lumpectomy and if all margins were clean, then a round of radiation and we would be done.
The day of the procedure began with getting markers inserted into my breast at the radiologist’s. Well, let me tell you that was pure torture! I am squished in the vice for mammogram fun and flatness while the tech inserts dye and wires. As unpleasant as it was, prayer and the “one foot in front of the other” proverb kept me from fainting. And the fact that I was held in place with the Torturous Tongs of Tits that kept me from moving much less than falling to the floor. The tech must have recognized the “your testicles are next” glint in my eyes because everything was “positioned perfectly” and we moved on the hospital for the next procedure.
All went well as far as my surgeon could tell. We had to wait until the next week for the pathology report to know for sure. In the meantime, I acquired the first infection I have ever had from a surgery. High temps, antibiotics, trips back to the doctor, a huge needle and a TAD of discomfort. Finally, the greatly anticipated pathology report showed NO clean margins. Within a couple of days we were back again for surgery, a mastectomy. We were so relieved to learn that the margins were clean.
Now I am getting 30 sessions of radiation. I refer to it as the “tanning spa.” Today was tanning session number 12. Today, they got me into the correct position and left the room. As that huge piece of frightening but life saving equipment circled me, tears that I could not move to wipe, fell. Why? I don’t really know except that I was feeling sadness, fear, anger and worry that after all of this, I would still die from this disease? I was in the darkness and as Debbie once told me, “Always remember in the darkness what you believe in the light.” So I prayed, selfishly for myself at first, then for others which really takes me out of my stuff and brings to mind others in greater need. I remember that even when my faith takes a hit, so many others are praying for me.
I am such a blessed woman. I have an amazing husband and partner. We can read each other so well. I love him so much and will never ever have enough togetherness. I have six awesome and spirited grandchildren, each of which is my favorite. My grandchildren have amazing parents that we love and I gave birth to three of these parents. I am expecting my 7th grandchild in January! I have an amazing family of those to which I am related and those you who became family as you found your way into our hearts. I am such a blessed woman. I cherish each of your prayers. I know that prayers more than anything will help us to our goal. I love all of you.
Randy Kleinschmidt, I am so sorry your dad is no longer with us. I know that he is in a better and heavenly place. But for those times when your heart aches and you miss him, and your times with him, please know that you are loved and never alone. With an amazing wife like Debbie, I know I don’t have to remind you of that. Mike and I love you both so very much. .