Goodbye Meme

Sunday I buried my sweet wife of 42 years.  I will truly miss her.  To say she was my best friend does not give it justice. We were not "joined at the hip". We were "joined at the heart".  We always knew that there was no "Beth" or "Mike" but in any conversation about us it was ; "Beth and Mike" or "Mike and Beth".  We loved that we were known in that way.  It was a package deal, if you wanted one of us for something, you got both. We fully complimented each other and filled in each others gaps.  We know that is how God intended us to be.  She was nine months older than me, and I always told her that when she was born, God decided what kind of partner she would need and that is when I was born. How do I get through losing her, half my heart, most of my brain?

When we started dating, we discovered that we had been seeing each other most of our lives and didn't know it. As a child she lived in a house that was one street over from ours. The neighborhood friends whose backyard was our football field was just across the alley from her house.  We probably even threw rocks at those girls (at that age they have cooties).  She used to walk in front of the barber shop where my brother and I shined shoes, on her way to the store from her grandmother's house.  She worked in the concession stand where I played little league and probably made me a snow cone for retrieving a foul ball. Her family ate at the Boomerang as we did sometimes.  She was always near, I just didn't know it.  In high school, we went to work in the same grocery store.  I was a sacker, she a checker (cashier).  That's where we met. The very first girl I ever dated.  There was no need to look any further.    As she says, home is wherever we are together.  That's the way it was from the very beginning.  Home is now not on this earth. We have been upgraded, but that is what God told us anyway, right.

Today I am by myself at home.  My choice, as my children and family have rallied around me. I had things that needed to be done at home and opted out of the all the invitations to stay busy.  I know that days are coming when I will be alone and I dread them.  As I clean up the loose ends, return medical equipment, put away supplies and all the things that had become daily routine in Beth's care, it almost feels like I am erasing her from the house.  How do I survive losing her, half my heart, most of my brain?

Our family is very close and our children and grandchildren are very loving.  My parents, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, cousins and children (that includes their spouses as Beth and I always considered them as our children too) and grandchildren have poured out their love for me even as they deal with their own grief.  There were an amazing number of friends at the service that offered invitations to visit or stay with them.  I can't imagine what it would be like without all the love.  I have moved from an overflowing cup to a 55 gallon barrel.

Please know that I do not grieve without hope.  I have been to a funeral of a young man that died in a tragic auto accident.  Several men had to physically carry the mother out while she screamed and wailed.  We have the hope of our Lord, Jesus Christ.  I know where she is. She has new knees and feet. She can breathe again.  Thank you God for letting us have Beth (Meme) Coleman for the short time that we did, but of course it doesn't matter how long I had her, it would never be enough.

Our hope was that our children would find someone with which to experience a love like their parents have.  I am now confident that they have. I'm sure that Beth knew that already. We always considered our marriage a dance. Sometimes we got out of step, stepped on each others toes (me more that her) or could not hear the music. But one of us always was able to keep it going and get the other back in step.  Just keep listening to God's music in your ear and the dance will be worth it all.

Goodbye my sweet Beth.   I look forward to our next dance.

My favorite picture of her.

My son was right. I was way above my paygrade